☆ 萬世侏儒表 ☆

Today I was blasting Колесо Чёрнобога (a Russian death metal album) with the windows down in my car (it's extremely humid this week), booking it 75 mph down the freeway, and some kid leans out the passenger side of a minivan and screams "Woooo! High five, man!" I grinned and brushed it off as a joke, but he insisted once more: "Come on, high five me bro!" So I put in on cruise control at their speed and our vehicles inched close together, side by side. Our hands outstretched and slapped one another's in a brotacular moment of dudical solidarity. It was nothing less than epic.

Who else but Liz Lemon's family would crack a joke like this?

At work I hopped on a coworker's unlocked computer and IMed our boss: "Gotta go home early today, I drank too much chocolate milk at lunch and it made the spider eggs in my brain hatch." Then I closed the window and locked his computer, so our boss's reply to him would make absolutely no sense, and they'd get into a very confused conversation.

At work a hot tech writer left a note on someone's desk that said "This document needs to get taken care of. Come by my desk at 4:00 so we can talk. -Staci." I cut off the top half so it just said "Come by my desk at 4:00 so we can talk. -Staci." and made the dot over the I in her name a big heart. Then I put it on a coworker's desk, someone who is madly infatuated with her. Again, awkward and terrible for both parties concerned.

...Что это было? Падение метеорита? Посещение обитателей космической бездны? Так или иначе, в нашей маленькой стране возникло чудо из чудес—ЗОНА.

why isn't "to can" a verb? it's just not the same as "to be able to".
why isn't "to should" a verb enjoying all the liberties bestowed upon verbs? then your shoulders would be for shoulding. and why can't you should in the present progressive?, fuck! "i'm shoulding eat healthy." I WANT TO FUCKING SHOULD IN THE FUCKING PRESENT PROGRESSIVE TENSE. I WANT THIS FOR MY LIFE YOU COCKSUCKERS.

there ar5e srsly orb-weaver spiders everywhere
very invoncinent
i need u2 come get me

Apparently I'm morally bankrupt.

. . .

That's fuckin' awesome!

The nurse practitioner asked me if I was single or married. I told her "legally married but my wife left me." She cast her eyes down at her clipboard and said, sincerely, "I'm sorry to hear that." I then startled her by bursting into loud and inappropriate laughter.

You're gonna be OK, kid.

In the sanatorium
I've booked a private room
Where you can feel at home
Where we can be alone
Just you, the nurse and me
In mountain scenery

All the time that you've been ill
Your face has looked so pale
Drained by the force of will
Drained by the wait until
My treatment makes you well
Or weaker still

Half in love with easeful death
I cloud the mirror with your breath
Half in love with this disease
That keeps you close to me

Your eyes grow heavy as I read
'The Immoralist' by André Gide
Fall asleep my sickly darling
Rest in peace

Men you used to know declare
Their most sincere desire
To travel here and share
The treatment you require
Their letters saying they care
Are on the fire

As I interrupt the muslin
Hanging round the bed
I wake you with the rustling
And you raise your head
And ask again, your voice uncertain
If you're not a burden

Half in love with easeful death
I cloud the mirror with your breath
Half in love with this disease
That keeps you close to me

Your eyes grow heavy as I read
'The Immoralist' by André Gide
Fall asleep my sickly darling
Rest in peace

I wonder, as I watch you sleep
If this possessive streak
Will make me force my love
Or if the trick is cheap
And if you took your drug
And if you're deep enough asleep

In the sanatorium
I've booked a private room
Where you can feel at home
Where we can be alone
Just you, the nurse and me
In mountain scenery

Even now, in our darkest hours, I take comfort in the thought that everything is going according to His plan. And if I lose the best friend I ever had... then He must have had a reason.