☆ 萬世侏儒表 ☆

So Craigslist - Free are a bunch of scammers. They tell you to come get electronics they've put on the curb but the shit doesn't work and they just don't feel like it to an electronics recycling center. Or like this:

"Hi my name is Shotsy, my mom is looking for a good home for me. I am a 1 year ole long haired dachsund. I am great with kids, love to sleeping in your lap, but also to play. I stay in the house most of the time, but go outside and play too."

I go there to pick up this fucking dog and bring it home with me, and I put it on the internet. Nothing. I say "Shotsy, use Craigslist. Find me classy escorts." Nothing. The dog just stares at me blankly, little wiener tail wagging quizzically. Son of a bitch. WHAT KIND OF SICK PERSON WOULD PRETEND THEIR DOG IS ABLE TO USE A COMPUTER JUST TO DUMP HIM ON SOMEONE ELSE?

Plus side is I've got enough hot dogs now to last me at least two weeks.

Subject: Engineers The Future is the MOON and then MARS, Construct IT TODAY (Your Home CPU)
Date: 2009-11-30, 3:31AM CST
Reply to: see below

Attention any man woman or youth interested in impacting the future.

My company Franchise Franchise INC. needs YOU !!!

Engineers…
For
Vehicles both Aerospace an “Vacuum Land Travelers”
Building Structures
Cutting Edge Unique Technology

We need people who can draw blue prints

We need people that can build prototypes and mock ups

If you’re an engineer and your job went over to India, then we need you.

Pay is credit and part of future profits from project as well as paid employment if project is accepted by NASA.

That’s RIGHT NASA, or GOOGEL who ever pays more!!!

The Future is the MOON and then MARS, Design IT TODAY

Due to the nature of these projects please send you contact info and resume to Bam3@ymail.com.

We will contact you if we feel it’s a fit.

This is a part time job/project that you will work on with multiple other engineers around the globe out of your own home, around your current schedule.

Each engineer will receive and equal share of 50% of the profit from any project he or she works on, FFI will limit the amount of people working on each project.

Please email any questions you may have along with resume.

Blake Mc Clintic
CEO Franchise Franchise INC.
Potential@FranchiseFranchiseNow.com

one day i got this letter from the guidence counceler about switching skools or some shit like tht and my friend said OMG sophie are you seeing the guidence counceler cuz ur gunna kill urself cuz u no ur emo!... tht really pissed me of and yes i like balck and skeletons and want to get alip peircing and i consider myself differebt from others but tht dont mean im emo and gunna kill myself!! :)

cen: I am an excellent actor. I roleplayed for years and even took ownership of an online roleplaying group.
cen: Which still exists, and has since 1997.
cen: You probably know Graal.
Vargtimmen: whoa
cen: Valikorlia.
Vargtimmen: your street cred just went way up
Vargtimmen: ON THE STREETS OF NARNIA, FAGGOT

Today I was blasting Колесо Чёрнобога (a Russian death metal album) with the windows down in my car (it's extremely humid this week), booking it 75 mph down the freeway, and some kid leans out the passenger side of a minivan and screams "Woooo! High five, man!" I grinned and brushed it off as a joke, but he insisted once more: "Come on, high five me bro!" So I put in on cruise control at their speed and our vehicles inched close together, side by side. Our hands outstretched and slapped one another's in a brotacular moment of dudical solidarity. It was nothing less than epic.

Who else but Liz Lemon's family would crack a joke like this?

At work I hopped on a coworker's unlocked computer and IMed our boss: "Gotta go home early today, I drank too much chocolate milk at lunch and it made the spider eggs in my brain hatch." Then I closed the window and locked his computer, so our boss's reply to him would make absolutely no sense, and they'd get into a very confused conversation.

At work a hot tech writer left a note on someone's desk that said "This document needs to get taken care of. Come by my desk at 4:00 so we can talk. -Staci." I cut off the top half so it just said "Come by my desk at 4:00 so we can talk. -Staci." and made the dot over the I in her name a big heart. Then I put it on a coworker's desk, someone who is madly infatuated with her. Again, awkward and terrible for both parties concerned.

...Что это было? Падение метеорита? Посещение обитателей космической бездны? Так или иначе, в нашей маленькой стране возникло чудо из чудес—ЗОНА.

why isn't "to can" a verb? it's just not the same as "to be able to".
why isn't "to should" a verb enjoying all the liberties bestowed upon verbs? then your shoulders would be for shoulding. and why can't you should in the present progressive?, fuck! "i'm shoulding eat healthy." I WANT TO FUCKING SHOULD IN THE FUCKING PRESENT PROGRESSIVE TENSE. I WANT THIS FOR MY LIFE YOU COCKSUCKERS.

there ar5e srsly orb-weaver spiders everywhere
very invoncinent
i need u2 come get me

Apparently I'm morally bankrupt.

. . .

That's fuckin' awesome!

The nurse practitioner asked me if I was single or married. I told her "legally married but my wife left me." She cast her eyes down at her clipboard and said, sincerely, "I'm sorry to hear that." I then startled her by bursting into loud and inappropriate laughter.

You're gonna be OK, kid.

In the sanatorium
I've booked a private room
Where you can feel at home
Where we can be alone
Just you, the nurse and me
In mountain scenery

All the time that you've been ill
Your face has looked so pale
Drained by the force of will
Drained by the wait until
My treatment makes you well
Or weaker still

Half in love with easeful death
I cloud the mirror with your breath
Half in love with this disease
That keeps you close to me

Your eyes grow heavy as I read
'The Immoralist' by André Gide
Fall asleep my sickly darling
Rest in peace

Men you used to know declare
Their most sincere desire
To travel here and share
The treatment you require
Their letters saying they care
Are on the fire

As I interrupt the muslin
Hanging round the bed
I wake you with the rustling
And you raise your head
And ask again, your voice uncertain
If you're not a burden

Half in love with easeful death
I cloud the mirror with your breath
Half in love with this disease
That keeps you close to me

Your eyes grow heavy as I read
'The Immoralist' by André Gide
Fall asleep my sickly darling
Rest in peace

I wonder, as I watch you sleep
If this possessive streak
Will make me force my love
Or if the trick is cheap
And if you took your drug
And if you're deep enough asleep

In the sanatorium
I've booked a private room
Where you can feel at home
Where we can be alone
Just you, the nurse and me
In mountain scenery

Even now, in our darkest hours, I take comfort in the thought that everything is going according to His plan. And if I lose the best friend I ever had... then He must have had a reason.